No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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