i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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