If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
