Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
either way he was missing a nipple.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
