Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
