you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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