Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
