hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
