Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She bit a glass in half.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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