She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i now understand why vodka
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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