is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
