my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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