I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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