Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
