he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
