one word: firstdatebathroomanal
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
its not stalking. its research.
my shit smells like andre
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
