I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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