I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
