Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
