Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
