god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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