So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
