I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
