i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
