I wish I could teleport
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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