4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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