she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
