the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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