y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
All I want is dick and wine.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
