What did we do last night that was yellow?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
