dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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