just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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