so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
