dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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