my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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