I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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