My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
