i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
