Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
