i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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