Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
