Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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