The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
