Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
