I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
