theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
