i just sent this text using only my big toe
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
