I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
