hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
