At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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