My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
