You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
