I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Michael Bay diarrhea
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize