I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
