We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
