I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize