I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
