Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
