Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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