Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
