benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
