I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
