so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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