the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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