People with herpes should wear stickers.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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