Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
