I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
