Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Quick, to the slutcave!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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