So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Semen is not good for contacts.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
