he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
